• TAOISM: Shit happens.

• CONFUCIANISM: Confucious says, "Shit happens."

• BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

• HINDUISM: This shit has happened before.

• PROTESTANTISM: If shit happens, it happens to someone else.

• CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserved it.

• SATMERISM: Shit happned, You.
  

• JUDAISM: Why does shit always happen to US?

• ISLAM: If shit happens, kill the person(s) responsible.

• LUBAVICHISM: Shit Happned, But it is still alive.

• ATHEISIM: Shit never happned